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英文簡歷

致命的大錯

"Finished8thinmyhighschoolgraduatingclassof10."

"Qualifications:Noeducationorexperience."

"Iamrelativelyintelligent,obedientandloyalasapuppy."

"Mycompensationshouldbeatleastequaltomyage."

"ReasonforLeaving:IthadtodowiththeIRS,FBIandSEC."

"FiredbecauseIfoughtforlowerpay."

"Sizeofemployer:Verytall,probablyover65".

""Pleasedisregardtheenclosedresume-itisterriblyoutofdate."

"ReasonforLeaving:Mybosssaidtheendoftheworldisnear."

"ReasonforLeaving:Theownergavenewmeaningtothewordparanoia.Iprefertoelaborateprivately."

打字錯誤與語法錯誤

"Herearemyqualificationsforyoutooverlook."

"Strengths:Abilitytomeetdeadlineswhilemaintainingcomposer."

"Iamarabidtypist."

"WorkHistory:Performedbrainwavetests,1879-1981."

"Afterreceivingadvicefromseveraldifferentangels,Ihavedecidedtopursueanewlineofwork."

"Accountingcleric."

"Asindicted,Ihaveoverfiveyearsofexperienceanalyzinginvestments."

"Suspectedtograduateearlynextyear."

"Disposedof$2.5billioninassets."

"Provenabilitytotrackdownandcorrecterors."

"Accomplishments:Oversightofentiredepartment."

"Amaperfectionistandrarelyififeverforgetdetails."

"Accomplishments:Completed11yearsofhighschool."

不應有的幽默

"Note:Keepthisresumeontopofthestack.Useallotherstoheatyourhouse."

"Assistedindailypreparationoflargequantitiesofconsumableitemsinafast-pacedsetting."(Translation:Short-ordercook.)

"Butwait...theresmore.Yougetallthisbusinessknowledgeplusagraspofmarketingthatissecondnature."

"Ihaveanexcellenttrackrecord,althoughIamnotahorse."

"Myfortunecookiesaid,Yournextinterviewwillresultinajob-andIlikeyourcompanyinparticular."

"Title:AnotherresumefromtheProfilesinExcellenceseries."

"AlsoKnownAs:Mr.Productivity,Mr.Clever,Mr.Fix-it."

"Trustworthyreferencesavailableuponrequest-ifIgivethemafewbucks."

"Letsmeetsoyoucanoohandahhovermyexperience."